Tired of the harassment attempts. Very tired, really. Rasa macam nak menjerit jugak, wei punya banyak foreigner yang lawa sampai boleh berdarah hidung tengok, asal tak kacau diorang? Why me? Why this plain girl? Are you blind or something?
Tired of feeling nauseous and vomiting every time the fear comes back. Which happens a lot – daily. Too stressed out that even light harassment (vulgar/kissing sounds) which I previously just ignored now became intolerable. A few students did that while I was waiting for ILS class to start, the whole time they were walking in front of me. I hold my nausea for a terrible hour and right after the class ended, I just dashed to the nearest toilet and forced myself to vomit, all-shaking, all-crying, because I couldn’t handle the feeling.
Tired of running away from the crowd, when there’s too many men nearby. Which is very not like me.
Tired of feeling vulnerable.
Juga, antara pathetic attempt at mengorat hari ini.
Random person: …blabla… tapi lecture cancel so tuto pun tak ada rasanya. Btw sister, awak nama apa eh?
Me: *angkat kening* Ai Kautsar. Kenapa?
Random person: Ehhhh seriously? Kenapa nama macam lelaki?
Random person: Kiranya panggil awak Ai la? Serious?
Me: Ye lah =_=
Random person: Saya panggil awak Kautsar boleh tak? ;) <—— dah start lebih2
Me: Tak boleh.
Random person: Alaaaaah, kenapaaaaa? :<
Random person: Untuk sapa?
Me: Suami saya. Okay bye, see you next class.
Random person: *muka frust sambil pandang kawan dia dengan pandangan bhai-aku-gagal*
Padan muka. Sekian.